


We All Matter

by BeneaththeHalo



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic, Canon Era, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-06-30
Packaged: 2018-04-06 23:44:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4241181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeneaththeHalo/pseuds/BeneaththeHalo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you… do you not want me here, Merlin?” Daegal asked, refusing to look Merlin in the eye.</p>
<p>“Daegal, no,” said Merlin, crossing the room and standing in front of the boy, his friend, staring him down until Daegal finally looked up. “I want you here. Really. If Arthur had to give me an assistant, I’m glad it’s you. I don’t think I would let Arthur give me an assistant if it was anyone else but you.”</p>
<p>“Really?” said Daegal, his face lighting up. Merlin couldn’t help but smile, warmed as he was by Daegal’s joy. He cared deeply for Daegal, more than he thought he could, and seeing him happy did something to Merlin. Something he couldn't quite explain. Whatever it was, it wasn't something that Merlin wanted to stop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We All Matter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Val_Creative](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Val_Creative/gifts).



> A very belated happy birthday present to Rie! I hope you enjoy, my dear! <3
> 
> (Set during season 5, in an alternate universe where Daegal survives and Arthur knows about Merlin's magic, loosely after 5x09)

Merely a month ago, Arthur wouldn't have even _dreamed_ he would ever give Merlin an assistant. Merlin was a physician's assistant himself, not to mention Arthur's _manservant_ , and while he did have a lot of work, he was not at a station in life where an assistant would be awarded to him. But Arthur _knew_ now. He knew who Merlin really was, the immense power that he held, and the immeasurable number of times Merlin had saved Arthur's own life. Hell, he'd only just saved Guinevere from Morgana's dark control. (Although Arthur would _never_ let Merlin forget having to disguise himself as an old woman. Never.) Merlin deserved an assistant, to alleviate some of the incredible workload Arthur know knew he had: not only his official duties, but his unofficial and _magical_ ones.

When Arthur had seen the boy Merlin had brought back to Camelot, that day he'd been out 'gathering herbs', he'd barely given him a second thought. But even then, he'd seen the way that the boy, Daegal, looked at Merlin when Merlin wasn't looking. The doey-eyed, admiring, almost _doting_ looks, all directed at Merlin. Arthur knew that people said he was emotionally stunted, but he could still see this, even if Merlin couldn't. Even if Daegal didn't realise what he was doing. He knew, though, that Daegal was the only choice for Merlin's assistant. He looked up to Merlin, even if Merlin didn't quite tell Arthur why. And, through what Arthur suspected was necessity, he knew Merlin's secret. This was the only place Daegal could possibly be. 

***

Merlin didn’t know what he’d done- or _hadn’t_ done, more likely- to be given an assistant. He wasn’t a fully qualified physician, for one thing; he himself was a physician’s assistant. He’d also been Arthur’s servant for years, and the king had never thought Merlin needed an assistant before now. And even though Arthur knew of Merlin’s magic now, it had to remain a secret to everyone else, lest Morgana find out and come after him.

And yet, Daegal stood in front of Merlin in the chambers that the warlock shared with Gaius, looking rather awkward and uncomfortable. Merlin had been so incredibly glad, so relieved, that Daegal had survived. He’d been so much more relieved than he’d ever expected to. He _had_ thought that Daegal would leave Camelot, though, unable to escape the guilt for what he had almost done.

“This is a joke, right?” Merlin said finally. “Arthur’s playing a joke on me, isn’t he?”

“The- the king is playing no joke, Merlin,” Daegal assured him, sounding just as anxious as he looked. “He genuinely wants you to have an assistant. He didn’t tell me why.”

“Well, that’s… _nice_ of him, I guess,” said Merlin, still completely stumped as to why Arthur was doing this for him. He knew Arthur would never tell him though, even if he asked. The king often performed acts of great kindness for Merlin, especially behind the scenes, but the only time he ever voiced his feelings to Merlin was when at least one of them was about to die. He wouldn’t be able to get anything out of Arthur _now_.

“I’m not sure what Arthur expects me to have you do,” said Merlin. “There are many of my tasks that I do as his servant he would never let anyone else do.”

“Do you… do you not want me here, Merlin?” Daegal asked, refusing to look Merlin in the eye.

“Daegal, _no_ ,” said Merlin, crossing the room and standing in front of the boy, his _friend_ , staring him down until Daegal finally looked up. “I _want_ you here. Really. If Arthur had to give me an assistant, I’m glad it’s you. I don’t think I would _let_ Arthur give me an assistant if it was anyone else but you.”

“Really?” said Daegal, his face lighting up. Merlin couldn’t help but smile, warmed as he was by Daegal’s joy. He cared deeply for Daegal, more than he thought he could, and seeing him happy _did_ something to Merlin. Something he couldn't quite explain. Whatever it was, it wasn't something that Merlin wanted to stop.

"If it was anyone else... it just wouldn't feel right," Merlin admitted, and Daegal beamed again. "I mean... you _know_ me Daegal. Better than most people. You know about my magic, after all. And you may have put my life in danger, but you still saved it. You saved _Arthur_. And anyone who does that is more than okay in my book."

A thought hit Merlin then.Maybe Arthur wanted him to have an assistant because of his extra duties, the magical tasks he had to perform in secret, the ones that currently only the king and queen, Gaius, Arthur's most trusted knights, and now Daegal knew about. And because he had to do these tasks in secret, he still had to go about his normal duties for both Arthur and Gaius, lest somebody realise that his role had changed. So maybe he should train Daegal in some of the more basic of the healing arts, then, so Merlin didn't have to perform this tasks and could save himself some time?

"I'm going to give you a list of supplies, and where to find them," said Merlin, heading over to Gaius's writing desk and scrawling out the list. "If you don't know where to find something, ask one of the other servants. Tell them I sent you to find these things, and they should help you. Unless it's the cook. Don't tell the cook I sent you, or she'll chase you away." Merlin scowled, before handing the list to Daegal. "When you've found everything, bring them all back to me, and we'll have a, uh, _practical_ demonstration."

There was a strange look in Merlin's eye that made Daegal want to ask him what the 'practical demonstration' would be, but somehow he knew that Merlin wouldn't answer. Whatever it was, Daegal wanted to please Merlin, so he clutched the list in his hand and nodded vigorously. "I won't let you down," he promised, before scurrying off.

Merlin waited until he was certain that Daegal was far out of earshot before he sat down, steeling himself. He knew that Daegal needed practical experience, and that Daegal would be a lot more motivated and determined to help someone he _cared_ about, but what Merlin was about to do... damn, it would _hurt._ There probably was an easier way to do this- without any actual illness or injury, perhaps. But Merlin thought Daegal would need the extra motivation, and would be _far_ less likely to question or second guess himself when Merlin's own health was at stake.

_It's okay, Merlin,_ the warlock told himself. _You can do this. And you can always heal yourself afterwards._

Finally, after taking in a deep breath, Merlin called his magic worth. He muttered the words, his eyes flashed gold, and he bit down on his lip _hard_ to stop himself from crying out. The sudden pain in his wrist was _excruciating_ , and Merlin struggled not to scream and curse as he cradled his wrist to his chest. He didn't want anyone to hear him, especially if there was a chance that they might alert Arthur, or even Guinevere. The king and queen most definitely would _not_ be happy if they knew what Merlin had done to himself.

It was quite a while before Daegal finally returned, the bundle of supplies in his arms. "Hello, Merlin, I've finally found-" he started, before noticing Merlin and dropping everything all over the floor. " _Merlin!_ " Daegal cried, rushing over to Merlin side. "What did you- what happened?"

"My wrist is broken," said Merlin, trying to sound matter-of-fact, practically praying that Daegal didn't notice the pain in his voice. "I need you to bind it, put me in a sling, give me something for pain."

"Your _wrist_? But how did you- did you do this to _yourself_?"

"I might have done," said Merlin, a little sheepish, trying not to sound sorry for himself. "It was using magic, so it will be a clean break. Just- just get all the supplies I sent you for, and I'll talk you through binding it so I don't hurt myself even more. And hurry, yeah?"

Merlin winced as a wave of pain hit him, squeezing his eyes shut tight, and Daegal practically sprinted across the room to get the supplies, back at Merlin's side in no time at all.

"Can you- can you let go of your wrist, so I can take a look at it?" Daegal asked, his voice so tender and so gentle that Merlin almost felt _guilty_ for what he had done. They may have only known each other for such a short time, but Daegal already couldn't stand to see Merlin in pain. And Merlin- well, the worry etched all over Daegal's face wasn't exactly something that he liked. The fact that Daegal was worried about Merlin, and Merlin alone, though-

"Merlin? What do you want me to do?"

It wasn't until Daegal had spoken that Merlin realised he was daydreaming. "Take- take a proper look at my wrist, though, so you know all the signs of a broken wrist for the future," Merlin said. Daegal's touch was so feather-light, so careful, that it practically sent shivers up Merlin's spine. Shivers that he knew weren't because of the pain.

Daegal turned Merlin's wrist over, examining it, taking extra care not to jostle it and cause Merlin any further pain. He was more careful than he probably needed to be, and more careful than Merlin could ever remember being himself. Finally, Daegal's hands stilled on Merlin's wrist, and he looked up at his mentor. He had this strange, almost reverent look in his eye, and Merlin was torn between wanting to look away and wanting to drink the sight in.

"I'll explain what you need to do," said Merlin, even as he tensed, wincing in pain once more. "Just... just make sure you do it right, yeah? This is really starting to hurt."

Nodding frantically, Daegal began to work on Merlin's wrist, following the warlock's every instruction to the letter. He was very efficient and very thorough, Merlin realised, taking every care to make sure he didn't do any further damage. Daegal was meant to do this kind of thing, more than Merlin ever was.

As Daegal worked, Merlin found his eyes tracing every line on Daegal's hands, hands still smooth with youth but with the beginnings of wear and scars. His hands were almost delicate as they worked on Merlin's wrist, exerting just the amount of pressure needed to bind the wrist with as much skill as a novice could possibly have.

"You're a natural at this," Merlin whispered, and it wasn't until Daegal looked up that Merlin realised he'd spoken out loud. The two of them stared at each other in silence, neither of them sure what to say or do. Finally, a twinge of pain in Merlin's wrist made the warlock tense, but he could barely move his wrist at all. "Wow. That is a _really_ good job for your first attempt. I did nowhere near that well when I first attempted to do this. Gaius does always say that I don't really have a knack for the physician's arts."

"And you think _I_ do?" said Daegal, sounding very surprised and just a little pleased.

"Definitely." Before Merlin could stop himself, he reached out with his good hand, pressing it against Daegal's cheek. He rubbed his thumb back and forth, not really sure what he was doing, but just knowing that it felt _right._ Daegal was silent, but he didn't pull away. In fact, it was almost like he leant in to Merlin's hand, staring at Merlin's thumb as it moved. Until it moved to Daegal's lips, tracing the rough contours, feeling the dryness from wind and sun. Daegal shivered, and Merlin knew it wasn't because of cold. He _knew_ it was because of desire, because Merlin felt it too.

"Please," Daegal murmured, barely loud enough for Merlin to hear, and Merlin obliged. His mouth met Daegal’s: soft, only lightly touching, but enough to show Daegal that he cared. That he really, _really_ cared.

“We all matter,” Merlin whispered against Daegal’s lips, echoing his words from their time in the forest. “You _especially_ matter. To me, anyway.”

“You matter to me too,” Daegal said, kissing Merlin back, finding the courage to reach out and rest his hand on Merlin’s thigh.

The two of them remained like that for several long moments, marvelling that something like _this_ could ever happen, when someone yelling Merlin’s name made them jerk apart.

“ _Damn it_ ,” Merlin muttered under his breath, and then, louder, “It’s Arthur. It’s the king.” He looked down at his wrist, bound and unable to move. “You might want to leave before Arthur sees this,” he told Daegal. “He’s not going to be very happy.” Merlin smiled ruefully. “I’ll, uh… I’ll come find you later.”

Daegal flashed Merlin a bashful smile, before nearly sprinting from the room. He stopped in the corridor just before running into Arthur, bowing deeply. “Sire,” he said. “Merlin is in his chambers.” The boy glanced back, as if torn between going back to Merlin or leaving, before bowing to Arthur again and running away.

Now thoroughly confused, Arthur continued on his way to Merlin’s chambers. “Merlin?” he called out, pushing the door open. “What on earth is going on. I saw that Daegal running-” Arthur stopped, heart pounding in his chest, when he saw Merlin’s wrist. “Merlin? What happened? Tell me!”

“It’s only temporary,” Merlin assured Arthur quickly. “I wanted Daegal to have some practical training, to learn under pressure, and-”

“Learn under pressure…” Arthur repeated, before the realisation hit him. He clenched his fist, to save himself from doing something incredibly stupid, before fixing Merlin with an expression containing all the fury he could must. “Are you saying you _broke your own wrist?”_ When Merlin looked away, nodding slightly, it took all Arthur had not to scream. “How idiotic can you _be_ , _Mer_ lin? You can’t afford to have a broken wrist, the kingdom needs you, I need you, why would-”

“I can fix it with magic, Arthur, don’t worry,” Merlin promised. “And Daegal did a fantastic job, look! It doesn’t move around or hurt or anything!”

Despite everything, Arthur couldn’t help but be impressed. Daegal _had_ done a fantastic job, better than anything Merlin had ever done. And there was a gleam in Merlin’s eye, pride and… _something_ else. Part of Arthur thought he knew what it was, especially when Merlin pressed the fingers of his good hand to his lips, as if remembering what was there before.

“You _better_ heal that wrist fast,” Arthur warned Merlin. “Or you won’t want to live another day. Oh, and Merlin? Keep that boy around. He’s good for you.” And Arthur left before Merlin could ask him what he meant.

Merlin didn’t particularly care what Arthur meant. And he could heal his wrist later, once his mind was clear, in case something went horribly wrong and his wrist was broken permanently. Or something like that, anyway. Instead Merlin went looking for Daegal, the ghost of the apprentice’s lips still dancing on Merlin’s, wanting to see just how far this thing would go.

 


End file.
